Huu ni mtizamo wangu binafsi Single mother kwanza anajua kujali na kuhandle  ..kulingana na aliyoyapitia wanakuwa na IQ kubwa kuhusu maisha ..ukiwa nae hayupo ku ruin maisha yako but anakufanya kuwa better men na kukusapoti katika maendeleo yako na siyo kukurudisha nyuma(mfano since Damond amekua na Zari) Wapo vizuri kifedha na hawana tamaa  ndogo ndogo za kuwafanya wachepuke  ili wajikimu ..wametulia ..kwa namna moja ama nyingine keshapewa somo na alomzalisha na kumterekeza so hana mda wa kupoteza kwa mambo ya kipuuzi..ana mda wa kufocus na maendeleo ya maisha yake na mwanae ..ukiongezeka wewe anakuwa na mda wa kufocos na nyie wawili tuu, akikupenda kakupenda tofauti na hawa madot com.simu wanapiga hawabip ovyo kama hawa wengine..sngle mothers  hatakama utamnunulia kitu kama zawadi ni mpaka upende hawalazimishi 
na anajua majambozi kitandani maana anakula ugali mkubwa na samaki tofauti na madot com wanakula chips kuku  kiuno kipo kipo  wanalala kama mgomba
na chaa ziada hawanaga mda wa kukufatilia fatilia mgongoni(inakera) mana wako bize kutake care mwanae na uhusiano wenu pia...Shikamoo yenu singo mothers

Matatizo yoote katikaa mahusiano Tatizo ni kwamba tikishapenda mioyo yetu ndio hufanya maamuzi na sio akili,kwani kwa muda huo huwa tunaishi katika ulimwengu wa hisia kali za kimapenzi na sio uhalisia.

Kwenye mapenzi si ajabu kukuta msomi anafanya mambo ya kijinga,kwenye mapenzi si ajabu kukuta mwanamke mwenye elimu yake lakini anamvulia nguo mtu  ambaye hata elimu ya msingi hakumaliza.

Tunapozama penzini mioyo ndio hutawala kufanya maamuzi na sio akili kwani aliyependa anakuwa kama hayupo kwenye ulimwengu huu wa kawaida ndo maana sio ajabu kukuta mbeba zege aliyeisotea ile hela ya zege kuanzia asubuhi lakini akifika kwa kipenzi chake anaikabidhi yote

Na kusahau machungu yote aliyoyapata kipindi anahangaika na zege ki ukweli ni jambo lisilo patana na akili ya kawaida lakini katika ulimwengu wa hisia inawezekana

Mwanamke mwenye mapenzi na anayejua haswa thamani ya mapenzi hatongozwi miezi 6 au mwaka mzima banaa. Mimi hata mwezi kwanza siwezi naanzaje kukuchombeza mwezi mzima? Unataka usome nini kutoka kwangu?  unatongoza miez sita.wengine wanakuja siku mbili wanakula mambo nd nn sasa.sepaaaaa mapemaaa

Hawa wanawake wa kutongozwa muda mrefu hawajatoa majibu ni wanawake wanaokuchunguza na kukulinganisha na watongozaji wengine na wewe bado unang'ang'ania tu kutongoza.

Hapa kuna matokeo mawili muhimu sana:
1. Kuna uwezekano mkubwa akakukubalia baadae kwa moyo mmoja tu, tena kwa nia njema. Hii ni kwa sababu umemtengenezea mazingira, amekuona unafaa, na katika kipindi hicho kirefu cha kumbembeleza na kumuomba majibu kuna mengi umemtendea.

Ameyakubali, umenunua sana vocha, out sana umemtoa, umejali na kuzitambua sana baadhi (kama si zote) ya shida zake, sasa asikupende kwanini?! Na principle ni kuwa Moyo umeumbwa kumpenda anayeufanyia wema na kumchukia anayeutendea mabaya.Sasa unataka ufanye mazuri halafu moyo usikupende?! Utakupenda tu. Lakini Je, unadhani wewe ndo mfanyaji mazuri peke yako? Mazuri uyafanyayo wewe unahisi ndo yanayomtosheleza?! Be careful!

2. Kwa kipindi chote hicho unachong'ang'ana kutongoza, labda miezi 6 yako au mwaka, atakuelewa na kuusoma udhaifu wako wootee.Halafu atakukubalia! Ataishi na wewe kimjinimjini na kukufanya zoba huku akiendelea na vidume vingine kimyakimya bila wewe kushtukia! Utashtukia vipi sasa wakati ulipokuwa unabembeleza ukubaliwe ulijisahau na kuanza kujionyesha jinsi ulivyo na udhaifu wako wote! Umshtukie? Wapi.

Hivi hujui kuwa wakati wa kutongoza ndo mwanaume anaposema vingi vya ukweli kumuhusu yeye? Hata kama wewe ni mdanganyaji mzuri, jichunguze ukiwa unatongoza, unavyofunguka. Sasa unaanzaje kutongoza miezi sita? Ili ufunguke vyote kuhusu wewe na ukoo wako? Au unataka ugundue nini. Hayo 1 & 2 hapo juu yote hayapo upande wako mwanaume mwenzangu, kwahyo jiongeze baba.

Nahitimisha sasa;

Dalili kuu ya kwanza ya mwanamke wa maslahi/asiye na mapenzi ya kweli ni kutongozwa muda mrefu! Chunguza vizuri utajijibu.Yaani ukiona unabembeleza wee ujue utkubaliwa, maana wakibembelezwa sana hawakatai hao, anaweza akakukubalia kwa sababu ya kukuonea huruma tu ili uridhike, au kwa ushauri tu wa mashoga zake baada ya kuwaelezea jinsi unavyopata tabu kuwa makini sana.

Hii statement ya kizungu niliiokota sehemu, nadhani inaweza kukufungua akili kidogo:
Decision Making is easier when there is no Contradictions into your value system . 
Kwahiyo ukiona decision making yake ni ngumu, ujue hapo kuna kinyume na hiyo statement hapo, Contradictions zimetawala. Angalia sana kijana mimi ushauri wangu, please.

Usijiendekeze bana, tongoza, bembeleza, onyesha nia ya dhati. Kama kweli maneno yanatoka moyoni, yataingia tu kwenye moyo wake tena kirahisi.Kama atashawishika atarespond mapema tu na kama hataki na anajitambua atakwambia "Mi nina mpenzi/occupied" usilazimishee. Utakua unamtengenezea mazingira tutarudi kulekule! Kwani wewe ukiwa na msichana ungependa atoke na msela mwingine? Sasa kwanini wewe unataka kutoka na mademu wa wenzio?

Akikwambia haiwezekani au nina mpenzi, geuka kulia na kushoto vuka barabara hamia upande wa pili huko, wapo kibao. Wanaume sisi ni wachache kuliko wanawake, sasa unaanzaje kubembeleza mtu miezi au miaka, ili? Akutangaze au?! Wengine wanabembeleza sana eti wanaogopa kuonekana wamekataliwa! 

Wee ni bora ukataliwe kuliko kujifanya kidume halafu ukaanza kutengeneza mazingira upendwe usipopendwa madhara yake ni makubwa. Nimeeleza hapo juu!.Kwanza ukweli ni kuwa watoto wa mjini ndo wanaogongwa na magari, wale wa kijijini wanachukua tahadhari sana kwenye kuvuka, lazima waangalie kushoto, mara kulia ndo avuke. Sasa wewe wa mjini gani unaogopa kutoswa bana?

1. Pressure a man to propose to you. He may propose to make you happy. But when a man is forced to commit, eventually he repels you.
2. Fall in love with someone who doesn’t want to love you. You will feel used and ignored.
3. Marry someone you do not see yourself having a future with, just because you have a baby together. You will hate marriage, it will be a struggle.
4. Have an affair with a married person. You will feel cheap, you will waste away as the outsider living a lie and eventually you will get dumped because you don’t belong. You were just a temporary fix.
5. Have sex casually. Your emotions will get involved and you’ll attach yourself to people who are not your husband/wife material.
6. Get married quickly because family and society pushed you, marry someone in order to fit in society. You will never be happy in marriage and yet marriage is for a long time.
7. Have sex with a man who is not serious about you. He will make you pregnant and abandon the baby and you.
8. Want a Godly family yet date and marry someone who wants nothing to do with God. You will be frustrated and spiritually dragged.
9. Continue a relationship you know that should end, simply because you lack the courage to break it. You will become a bitter and angry person.
10. Give so many chances to a lover who is not worth it, going back to the same person who treats you badly, excusing their wrongs. Your time will be wasted and your self-esteem will be destroyed.
11. Move into a new relationship before healing from your past love. You will bring the mess of your previous relationship into your new relationship.
12. Ask for advise on how to go about your relationship/marriage from people who don’t believe in love and are angry at love. They will mislead you and cause you to ruin your love.
13. Love someone to get back at your ex. You will hurt the someone you are using and you will find it hard not to hate yourself, your ex has gone.
14. Propose to a woman who is not ready for marriage. She may say yes out of excitement. But man, eventually she will let you down and rebel.
15. Quickly commit to someone before you two adequately know each other. When love is rushed it will crash and you will wonder why you keep jumping from one relationship to another. Slow down.
16. Confuse the love of a friend with the love of a lover then changing that friendship into a romantic relationship. If you two are not meant to be, the romance will end and you will lose a good friend. Just because someone is good to you doesn’t mean you be lovers.
17. Let your parents dictate your love life. Your marriage will be manipulated.
18. Have an affair because your relationship/marriage is boring. You will destroy or devalue the best chance you had at love as you look outside.
19.  Want a mature love yet commit to someone who is childish. You will be stressed.
20. Dating someone who doesn’t want marriage and yet you are thinking long-term. As you build a future with that person, that person will not be serious with you, you are walking alone.
21. Commit to someone you are not compatible with. You will have constant fights, arguments, misunderstandings and wonder why loving is so hard.
22. Invest a lot without commitment. Things will crumble and you will feel empty.

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Wanawake wengi sana wa zama hizi walioolewa ukiongea nao kuhusu waume zao watakwambia hivi, ,,kusema ukweli mimi mume wangu hakuwa chaguo langu kabisa, sema ndiyo hivyo tena Maisha, nilikuwa na boyfriend niliyempenda sana na huyo ndiyo alikuwa chaguo langu lakini hasomeki na hajatulia hivyo nikaamua tu kuseto na huyu jamaa lkn kiukweli Siyo chaguo langu kabisa". Haya maneno nimesikia nayo sana kutoka kwa Wanawake sasa Je, Wanawake huolewa na Watu ambao sio chaguo lao la kwanza? Na kama ni kweli labda ndiyo sababu ya wake za watu kuchepuka sana kwa maana anakuwa hana mapenzi ya kweli na mume wake na siku yule mpenzi wa zamani anayempenmda kiukweli akiomba mchezo atampa tu! Sijawahi kukutana na mwanamke aliyeolewa na akaniambia ya kwamba Mume wake alikuwa first choice...

1-Mwanaume kwa kawaida anapomtamani mwanamke, hamtamani kama yeye kamili, bali humtamani vipande vipande. Hutamani mguu au kifua, midomo au nywele ama hata pua na pengine makalio. Mwanamke kwa mazingira fulani hufurahia jambo hilo, yaani kupendwa huko kwa viraka viraka. Lakini mwanamke hampendi mwanaume kwa viraka viraka bali kama alivyo.
2-Kwa kawaida mwanaume huweza kufurahia tendo la ndoa bila hata kumpenda mwanamke, lakini kwa mwanamke, hiyo ni tofauti, kwani hawezi kufurahia tendo la ndoa kama hajampenda mwanaume. Kwa mwanaume tendo la ndoa halihusiani kabisa na kupenda.

 3-Mwanaume huweza kupata ashki hata kufikia kuamsha sehemu zake za siri kwa kutazama picha tu ya sehemu kama matiti, makalio na hata macho. Kwa hali hiyo, mwanaume hawezi kutofautisha kati ya kitu halisi na kitu bandia linapokuja suala la kujamiiana
. 4-Kwa wanaume kutongoza na kuwapata wanawake wazuri sana, huwa linaonekana kwao kama jambo la sifa na uthibitisho wa udume wao. Kwa hiyo baada ya kutongoza na kukubaliwa, huwa wamemaliza kazi. Suala siyo kutongoza kwa sababu mtu amependa, hapana,ni kwa sababu alitaka kuonesha na kujionyesha
SOURCE:JF

Hata kama mtu kakosea, au umepata kifaa kizuri zaidi, ni vizuri kuwa na ustarabu.

Huwezi kujua ya kesho, na huonyesha ni kiasi gani unajua mapenzi.

Unajua aslimia zaidi ya 90 wanajuTa maamuzi waliyofanya??

Wewe ambaye unatembea na kibuti moyoni ila hujakifikisha naomba rewind your decision,

Kumbuka kubuti kinaumiza na kinaleta maafa moyoni (disaster) .

jioni njema.